Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Black Dog

I don't really know if I should be writing this post but here goes:

Some years ago I suffered very badly with depression for about a year. Life was hellish during that time and I felt that I didn't want to exist. Fortunately I got through it and moved on in life.

Today I should have every reason to be happy; I have a wonderful girlfriend in Catherine who I love deeply and whom I know loves me; my Dad is now safe and well looked after in his Nursing Home; I have a close family; I have a job that I love; I've a great chance of being elected as the first ever Liberal Democrat Councillor to North Ayrshire Council, I enjoy my local Lib Dem activisim and even more so my roles on the Scottish party Executive, Campaigns & Candidates and Conference Committees; I am blessed with lots of good and true friends; outwith election time I can even manage to have a social life!

So, why then do I feel like the most worthless, guilty, miserable, usless failure of a creature on this planet, why am I lethargic, why is my sleep pattern shot to hell, why do I have the concentration span of a goldfish and why can I be so short of temper? Well I reckon I figured it out when I woke up around 4am this morning when I woke from my 3 hours sleep.

Yes, I guess the black dog is back at my heels - depression. Why me, why now, why have I been fine for over a decade?

At least I've been able to face up to the fact and contact my GP about getting some help. I've also told Catherine and my good friends Caron and Suzette, so those are positives as well.
I may have to do less in the coming months and I will reduce my alcohol intake and try to have a healthier life style and I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can't see it yet. I don't even think I've slipped nearly a third of the distance that I did before

I don't post this in the search for sympathy, I post this as a positive statement, for me, and for every other poor sod in this world who has to suffer this.

6 comments:

Rob said...

You may not have posted looking for sympathy, but you certainly have mine. Best wishes for a swift recovery.

R

Tristan said...

You have my sympathy.

I've suffered badly from depression, it can seem totally overwhelmning, and there's not always a reason for it coming on.
(if I stop taking the ADs then it can easily come back

Its good you have people to talk to and you've contacted your GP. Those are both very important things.

Hope you can see this bout away quickly.

Caron said...

Well done for sharing that - very many people suffer from Depression and don't get the support they need. It's horrid. I've been there myself. The only thing about it coming back is that at least you can have complete confidence that it will go away again at some point.

The last things you feel like when you are suffering from Depression are the things that will ultimately help you get well - exercise and a healthy diet. And then you feel rubbish cos you can't do it and so the cycle gets worse.........

Take a day at a time, set realistic targets according to how you feel and know that your friends are there for you.

C

iaind said...

Thanks for the support guys. I really appreciate it.
Just picked up my Citalopram and I guess my comment about reducing alcohol will be changed to giving up alcohol as the tablets have warings not to take alcohol when using them. Bugger, blast & damnation!!!
I don't think now would be the right time to chuck the ciggies as well.

Caron said...

I think you're right about not giving up smoking right now. And that will be a surprise coming from me, but you need to set realistic expectations and targets and stopping smoking does require a lot of energy.

Take care

C

Manfarang said...

Alcohol is a depressant.You need it like a hole in the head.Stick to the ginger beer and orange juice.
Good luck with the election!