I don't really know if I should be writing this post but here goes:
Some years ago I suffered very badly with depression for about a year. Life was hellish during that time and I felt that I didn't want to exist. Fortunately I got through it and moved on in life.
Today I should have every reason to be happy; I have a wonderful girlfriend in Catherine who I love deeply and whom I know loves me; my Dad is now safe and well looked after in his Nursing Home; I have a close family; I have a job that I love; I've a great chance of being elected as the first ever Liberal Democrat Councillor to North Ayrshire Council, I enjoy my local Lib Dem activisim and even more so my roles on the Scottish party Executive, Campaigns & Candidates and Conference Committees; I am blessed with lots of good and true friends; outwith election time I can even manage to have a social life!
So, why then do I feel like the most worthless, guilty, miserable, usless failure of a creature on this planet, why am I lethargic, why is my sleep pattern shot to hell, why do I have the concentration span of a goldfish and why can I be so short of temper? Well I reckon I figured it out when I woke up around 4am this morning when I woke from my 3 hours sleep.
Yes, I guess the black dog is back at my heels - depression. Why me, why now, why have I been fine for over a decade?
At least I've been able to face up to the fact and contact my GP about getting some help. I've also told Catherine and my good friends Caron and Suzette, so those are positives as well.
I may have to do less in the coming months and I will reduce my alcohol intake and try to have a healthier life style and I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can't see it yet. I don't even think I've slipped nearly a third of the distance that I did before
I don't post this in the search for sympathy, I post this as a positive statement, for me, and for every other poor sod in this world who has to suffer this.